`True BestFriend.

heartfelt words. PLS READ. no matter how much

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

9:22 PM

... you hate me. (just the bottom part if you don't want me to bore you with the top)

it's my last year at AMKSS and as a student of four.one. but somehow, i don't feel as part of the class. i know that's caue i'm not you know.. an important figure in the class. i'd even go to the extent of saying that i'm actually the spoiler of the class. and perhaps i am. i've just found out now the words can affect so much. already i'm starting to notice changes. it's all my fault, that much i know, and i don't expect to be able to turn it back around. but i'm getting all sad about something that i caused. so... what's the point? i'm living out the last days of my secondary school life a miserable miserable brat. and already, the only place i can find solace is mindchamps. and i'm really just boring everyone with info they don't want to know about so i don't really see the purpose of having a blog....

so yeah. basically, i'm screwed. and frustrating myself over matters that are taking far too much of my attention. anyways. only when i lose something, then i realise the importance of it. and what still surprises me is that i'd still jump infront of a moving van to save you if you were in danger, even if you wouldn't do the same for me, just cause i'm thankful for all you've given me in the past. and hopefully will continue to (though i highly doubt this) and also, already, a chunk of my life is falling apart.

I HATE MYSELF!
FRIGGIN RETARD! FUCK YOU CHIN WEITING!

I CANNOT SIMPLY EXPRESS MY HATE TOWARDS YOU ANYMORE THAN THIS.
YOU ARE A BIG TIME SUCKER.

now, look at myself. i'm talking to me! first signs of insanity.
written: 23.04.07 10.24pm

and i'm starting to understand and feel what the lyrics of "Imagine me without you" mean. they are SO true.

through all the stupid fights
we always looked past it
and all the times you walked away
you still always came back
but i never thought that one day
you'd keep walking
and never look back.

than again. it's all my fauly for being me. i hate myself.

i hate me. you hate me. everybody hates weiting.
with a great big spit and a hate from all to me.
everybody hates weiting. <3

written: shortly after the above.

wonder no more. it's me.

from now onwards. i shall learn to keep my friggin mouth shut (which i should have dnoe earlier). it gets me into too much trouble. ao much trouble that i know none but a few can tolerate me. (maybe not even a few).

kaili: thanks for all the advice. you are the NICEST person i've ever met. you never get mad at me. although i know you're dying to shoot me when i go all third-grade on your ass. i'm a friggin bastard. shoot me. and not to mention, you've put up with me for so long. i'm sorry for being a hypocrite. and i'll try to stop myself from being one. i'll try to talk to you about what i feel but i swear you'll think i'm even MORE childish than you think i am now.

huixian: thank for listening to me, you're a great listener. though i know i usually bore you with stories that you don't really wanna hear. and i piss you off consistently with my never ending EMOism.

yijing: thank you for not getting mad at me. actually, for not STAYING mad at me. even though i always pester you with questions and bombard you with alot of crap. i'm really sorry for creating all this irritation and i'll try to keep my annoying-ism away from all of you.

thank you SHERYL. for giving me so many lasting memories that i know i'll always remember. somehow, you matter to me alot and even i can't explain that. once again be reminded that i'm not a lesbian. it's just that i've always held you in high esteem and even though you don't see me in the same way, i'll always remember you as my best friend. i know i piss you off. i don't know how (or maybe i can figure out why.. maybe not), but i'm willing to apologise to you in the most sincere way and say i'm sorry. but i know that it's impossible to return to the way it was, because i can't turn back time and erase all my retarded actions that happened cause i was particularly EMO or some other stupid reason. i know we have to move on.. but currently. i'm stuck. maybe cause once i lose you as a friend, i lose all my friends. without you. it just feels weird. but i guess i'll have to live with it cause i created this situation. and i'm sorry things have gotten so bad between us because of my childish actions. i wish we could turn things back.. but we can't, can we.

thinking that it would all blow over was the dumbest thing i could do. cause i'm foolish and naive to think that people will give way to me. i admit it. i'm spoilt. i'm a horrible person.

thanks to all those who've put up with me. thanks for everything. thanks to those who've treated me so nicely even though i constantly piss people off. i'm a horrible person, i know. i'm a desperate person, i know. i'm an incessant retarded annoying spoilt brat. all that i know. but i've tried to change but maybe i'm not trying hard enough. just put up with me for the rest of the year and then i'll dissapear. and i swear i won't bother you guys when you're all in JC and moving on with your lives.

thanks to all again.

written: 24.04.07 9.30pm

i'm sorry guys, i've not been the best person. i've been me. and it was horrible.
perhaps i'll even piss Hades off. what will i do when even hell doesn't want me...